Expressing emotions and seeking support when we are unhappy allows us to emotionally connect to the people around us. It can also assist us in acting fast in critical situations. For example, if you are in a financial dilemma and choose to discuss your feelings with a trustworthy adult, they might help you make a wise decision.
Since this blog will be about expression, let's start with a simple activity!
Slow down and start paying attention to what you are feeling at this moment. Attend to each of the emotions. Bodily experiences can sometimes be the first indication of the presence of an emotion. Once you have identified these emotions, enlist them on paper. Now, based on the nature and intensity of each feeling, assign a colour and a percentage to it. Each of these colours can have a personal meaning for you that is different from the meaning another person has assigned to it. For example, happiness can be assigned pink and 25%. Create a pie chart with this information.
You will notice that you can feel different emotions with different intensities at one single moment. We engaged in this activity to slow down and become aware of the several emotions that we are capable of experiencing together!
Although difficult at times to talk about, expressing emotions is valid and important for maintaining our overall well-being. As an outstation student, it is even more important to develop the ability to recognise and express emotions. It is noteworthy that emotional experiences can be simple or complex. The nature of our experience is dependent upon the circumstances and our subjective reality at the time. You may be able to identify some of these emotions but often you may not acknowledge their presence. However, they exist and are valid. Feelings are mental signals that facilitate self-awareness and informed decision-making. For instance, when a student experiences fear before an examination. These feelings of fear might act as motivation to study before the exam. Having said that, overwhelming emotions can affect our ability to build self-awareness and make informed decisions. For example, if we experience high levels of fear and stress before an examination, that might hinder our ability to prepare adequately.
Now that we have established that emotions can strongly affect a person’s decisions and well-being, let’s move forward to discuss the importance of expressing emotions.
Expressing yourself!
As outstation students, you might have felt that you could recognise your emotions but were conflicted about expressing them. Promising research suggests that taking the time to reflect on one’s thoughts and expressing emotions not only improves students' academic achievements but also has a positive impact on their health. For example, free expression of emotions might help a student assert their needs outside of their homes in the face of challenges like cultural barriers.
An example of a cultural barrier can be unfamiliarity with the transit system of the new city. If someone is experiencing problems understanding the transit system in their new city, expressing emotions can allow the individual to approach their peers for help. A few strategies have been given in the next section which might help you be more expressive.
Strategies for expressing yourself!
Let’s explore some strategies which may help you become more mindful of your emotions and express them to others in a healthy way.
Maintaining a journal: Set a few minutes aside daily or weekly to write your thoughts and feelings. Your journal doesn’t need to follow a set structure. Let your creativity flow. If you prefer to express your emotions using art or poems you can even maintain a scrapbook for that. By writing in a journal, you can express your most private feelings and take some time to de-stress. This technique may make you feel aware of your emotions which can facilitate in expressing yourself to others.
Listen to yourself: You can take a few minutes for yourself and look in a mirror and try to maintain a conversation with yourself like you would talk to a close friend. You can start by asking questions like “How are you feeling today?”, “What is something that made today unique?”, “What is the one thing you want to remember from today?”. Asking yourself such questions can help you recognise your emotions and facilitate in expressing yourself to others.
DEAR MAN Technique: The acronym DEAR MAN stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindfulness, Appearing confident and Negotiate. Each syllable stands for a strategy.
Describe: It stands for clearly and concisely describing the facts of the situation, without any judgment. Using sentences like “You have asked me to work late 3 days this week.”
Express: It stands for expressing your emotions. For instance, “I feel overwhelmed by the extra work I’ve been given.”
Assert: It stands for clearly stating what you want or need. Be specific when giving instructions or making requests like “I need to resume my regular 40-hour work week.”
Reinforce: It stands for rewarding the other person if they respond well to you. Smiling, saying ‘thank you’, and other kind gestures work well as reinforcement.
Mindfulness: It represents being mindful of your goal and not getting distracted by other issues. For example, “I would like to resolve the overtime issue before talking about the upcoming project.”
Appearing confident: It stands for using body language to show confidence, even if you don’t feel it. Stand up straight, make appropriate eye contact, speak clearly, and avoid fidgeting.
Negotiating: It represents knowing the limits of what you are willing to accept but being willing to compromise within them. For instance, “I’ll finish the extra work this week, but I won’t be able to manage the same amount of work next week.”
For instance, if you experience a lack of communication from a project partner you could use this technique to express your concerns. You may start by describing the situation in simple facts like “I did not get an update from you regarding your availability for our meeting.” and express how the lack of communication made you feel while also highlighting how communication from their side could benefit the both of you. Don’t allow distracting thoughts or intense emotions to cloud your thinking. Lastly, express yourself openly and confidently. THE DEAR MAN technique is a strategy for effective communication. Using this skill, individuals may learn to express their needs and wants in a way that is respectful to themselves and others, increasing the likelihood of positive outcomes.
Scripting: If you have a difficult discussion coming up, then write down your key arguments, and how you will address the issue. Preparing a script before a difficult conversation may make you feel less flustered and frame your concerns adequately. This technique can help you express your emotions to others in an effective manner.
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