Have you ever cried in your room and pretended that you’re okay? Have you secretly wished to talk about your mental health to your parents? Have you ever lied about your emotions when you’re at home? Have you taken a therapy session in your room and whispered to hide it?
From Ranveer Singh bursting up in Dil Dhadakne Do, and screaming “Koi iss ghar mei kaam ki baat karta hi nai hai.” (Nobody talks about important issues at home) to SRK’s and Alia Bhatt’s attempt to normalise therapy in Dear Zindagi, we’ve all had our moments where we wanted to step in and simply ask or scream for help at our households.
Why is it so tough to put ourselves out there?
Mental health concerns are often seen as an ‘individual’ problem, and most of the cures suggested in the Indian context enforce the idea that mental health problems will fade away if an individual changes their lifestyle.
Such an approach also produces reductive solutions like, “you should go for morning walks, the natural environment is good for you”, “why don’t you take your eyes off the phone? Most of your problems will go away!”, “if you start eating healthy and sleep on time, there would be no mental health issues.” or “our generation never had depression or anxiety; you’re emotionally weak teenagers who overthink.”
What if we said the same things to people experiencing physical health conditions?
Initiating conversations can be a tricky arena in a culture that stigmatises and shames mental health concerns. It is reinforced by the expressions "log kya kahenge" (what will the people say?) and "humari parvarish mei aisi kya kami reh gayi thi?" (where did we go wrong in our upbringing that you turned this way). The general notion is that there is something ‘wrong’ with the person, and it must be kept a secret from everyone else because it will bring shame to the family.
The socialisation process and how kids are raised also differ across genders. While women are taught to become emotional ‘caregivers’ and attuned to the needs of others, men are trained not to be vulnerable and ‘never cry.’
So, where do we start?
1. Start opening up
It’s definitely not easy but it’s the only way through. No matter how much of a difficult conversation it is going to be, telling your parents that you are struggling should be normalised. Be honest about your feelings.
2. Destigmatise mental health
Talking about these concerns openly may not always help. Your parents or relatives will have questions. It may not be possible to answer all of them, but you can make a conscious effort to destigmatise mental health. This means helping them understand what you go through and how important it is to address it.
3. Involve your family
Sometimes, we can trust our family members. There’s a sense of comfort and accountability that one can derive from knowing that your parents have got your back! Seek their support. Let them know that you want to include them in this because you would like them to know you better, including what you are going through.
4. Share different resources and practice empathy
Talk about the normalising therapy and take examples from popular media characters through which they are able to relate. Younger generations need to be encouraged to recognise that their parents are also victims of their circumstances. Being more empathetic towards your parents’ perspective and de-centring yourself from the situation can help you focus better on your mental health, rather than trying to prove a point to them.
5. Access resources
Get in touch with organisations and psychologists willing to offer pro-bono services, if therapy doesn’t seem affordable. Also, go through lists of available psychologists approved by Rehabilitation Council of India to have access to psychologists from across the country, providing virtual therapy. Keep in mind that recovery doesn't necessarily require your parents' support.
It's possible that your parents will struggle to understand and accept mental health concerns. Your decisions and choices cannot always be understood by everyone. So, regardless of what others may think or say, you should seek therapy if you feel you need it. It’s important to take care of yourself!
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